Planned – (165 minutes). Actual – (115 minutes).
This was the first run that I couldn’t get done. The plan was to run for two hours and 45 minutes (15 miles). I only managed one hour and 55 minutes (10+ miles).
The whole thing is depressing. I decided to start out a little earlier in the afternoon in order to avoid the darkness. This caused me to get out in the heat of the day. I was miserable within an hour.
I was just in a dark place the whole time. Kept thinking that there was no way I could do this run. Kept thinking there was no way I could ever run a marathon. I just had the feeling that I have been wasting my time all along. By the time I stopped I was out of water. The thought of running for another hour made me even more miserable. My legs were killing me.
Since I stopped with an hour to go that left me with two hours to walk home. That’s a lot of time to think about things. I spent a lot of time wondering how the hell I was ever gonna get this thing done in 7 weeks. I thought a lot about how much I missed lifting weights.
I understand that every run is not gonna be sunshine and lollipops. These long runs are killing me, though. There is zero joy from start to finish. I’ve been doing the fitness thing long enough to know that I get these feeling sometimes. It wasn’t long ago that I hated every second in the gym and saw running this marathon as some salvation from all that misery. Now the tables have turned. The grass is always greener, I guess……..
I think I’ve learned enough to know that I don’t hate running as much as I think I do right now. Quitting isn’t gonna make me happy. Finishing what I started is.
I’ve got to find a way to get through this.